Sunday, November 09, 2008

Casket of Passing Fancy: The Untaken, Pt. 2

Here are the remainder of the pitiable offers that nobody wanted...

Who wants two large bowls of pudding? One for eating, one for sitting.
Who wants to stay after the show and clean up after other people's fun?
Who wants a pregnancy test?
Who wants four courses of global warming?
Who wants to be priest for the day?
Who wants all of the lint and hair removed from their clothing using magnifying glasses and tweezers?
Who wants to take the best piss of their life?
Who wants someone to scream for as long as possible, as loud as possible, until they lose their voice?
Who wants a good shrimping?
Who wants to stick their fingers down someone's throat and see what happens?
Who wants to get figged?
Who wants to escape from the theatre?
Who wants to watch someone suffer?
Who wants someone to shit all over them?
Who wants their clothing dyed a single color?
Who wants to vomit into the mouth of a new friend?
Who wants to be led to a room where the lights are dim, blindfolded, bent over, and then...?
Who wants to be spoon-fed communist propaganda? Literally.
Who wants to try and french kiss an angry possum? (courtesy of an audience member who chose to write an offer that would be prepared for the following night's show)
Who wants to poop their pants?
Who wants to watch someone eat a whole lemon and chase it with a raw onion?
Who wants to make her sweat--by any means you can think of?
Who wants to bet they can drink a gallon of milk?
Who wants to soak their tired balls?
Who wants the blood of a performer to take home with them?
Who wants an enema?
Who wants to have an orifice, any orifice, sterilized with a high-pressure flow of cleansing, natural water?
Who wants to bob for butter?
Who wants to hump my leg like a dog?
Who wants to feel the cunt of my desk?
Who wants the show to end?
Who wants three minutes to convert us to their religion?
Who wants to see their face as another race?
Who wants to watch a man eat his shoe?

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