Saturday, November 01, 2008

The Offers You Missed: 10/31

393 offers gone, 107 remain...

Who wants to perform the morning routine on a half-risen sleepyhead from out-of-bed to out-the-door?

Who wants to have their pubic hair shaved and then be fitted with a merkin?

Who wants a rubber mold of their genitals?

Who wants to destroy a grown man's favorite childhood toy?

Who wants to give a man's face two good, really hard, heartfelt slaps, after each of which he will smile and kiss you on the forehead?

Who wants to take a nap in a nest of human hair?

Who wants to have their teeth cleaned by four hands holding four little brushes? Every nook and cranny will be lovingly explored.

Who wants to be the inspiration for a dance?

Who wants to have their pants pumped full of air?

Who wants to choose from five mystery pills, each of which will cause an extremely different outcome?

Who wants to race?

Who wants to feed a predator?

Who wants to try and stay in their seat for the next two minutes? Bet you can't.

Who wants a new twist on phone sex?

Who wants to watch lots and lots of impressions of famous people taking baths or walking their dogs?

Who wants someone to connect your dots?

Who wants to learn how to make bread, Roman style?

Who wants identical paintjobs for their shoes, socks, and feet?

Who wants to watch paint dry?

Who wants someone to make them sick and then get them well?

Who wants to pick out the true devil in the room? He or she shall either be worshipped or run out on a rail.

Who wants to save Sisyphus?

Who wants to choose between a sponge bath, a spit bath, and a blood bath?

Who wants the sum of all mortality?

Who wants to get burned in ways they never expected?

Who wants naughty bits?

Who wants to be thoroughly inoculated against Black Death?

Who wants to lust after my daughter?

Who wants to learn a Dick Van Dance?

Who wants to experience the pure art of finger puppets?

Who wants to get carried away?

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