Monday, November 03, 2008

The Offers You Missed: 11/1

424 offers gone, 76 never to be taken.

The game is over! We began with the March of Ages and ended with a renewal of vows. Here are the final night's offers:

Who wants to break flesh?

Who wants to wear 50 shirts and no pants?

Who wants to throw a little party for themselves?

Who wants a stone's throw of nog?

Who wants to learn exactly what their appendix does?

Who wants to be funny shaped?

Who wants to watch someone have an orgasm?

Who wants to experience 5 classic gags?

Who wants America the Recitation?

Who wants to invest in a tontine?

Who wants to rent a body part to the highest bidder?

Who wants to apply and remove 25 clothespins?

Who wants to hear someone inhale a piece of chamber music?

Who wants a mouth full of sugar and a mouth full of salt?

Who wants holes? Any hole you find in the theatre will be filled with a meaningful substance.

Who wants to break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife?

Who wants to sup on soft, sweet flesh?

Who wants to receive a candid evaluation of their beauty?

Who wants a drink?

Who wants to become a friend of Bill?

Who wants to be fed like a baby bird?

Who wants to ask a bunch a few questions?

Who wants to sit upon the Stool of Repentance?

Who wants their blemishes drained of pus and cleaned with a warm washcloth? What issues forth will be saved and relished.

Who wants swimming lessons in a small pool filled with live fishies?

Who wants to sit in an isolated room and receive typewritten dispatches describing tonight's events as they happen?

Who wants to feel like the sanest person in the room?

Who wants to find out how much they're worth as meat?

Who wants to make it rain blood?

Who wants shoes on their hands, gloves on their feet, a mile to run, then something to eat?

Who wants to renew their vows?

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