Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Offers You Missed: 10/26

330 offers gone, 170 remain...

Who wants to encase their fists in gelatin?

Who wants a write-in vote in the next presidential election, OR an extra vote for the candidate of their choice?

Who wants black lips and red hands?

Who wants to plant a flower in someone's mouth?

Who wants to spank someone against their will, all in the name of fun?

Who wants to watch a man pee his cellophane pants?

Who wants to see parts of themselves that they've never seen before?

Who wants to be treated like the current weather conditions?

Who wants to feel like they just won the big game?

Who wants everyone to do the hokey pokey?

Who wants to receive a complete list of who accepted each of my offers?

Who wants to see the flickering footage of an old Torah ceremony run by Jewish gangsters?

Who wants to vandalize a human being?

Who wants to have the backs of their knees licked?

Who wants to top our pyramid?

Who wants to play tug-of-war against an unseen opponent?

Who wants it to look like they have a trophy cock?

Who wants all-you-can-eat holy communion?

Who wants minks? Everyone will wear one for you.

Who wants to be squeezed until the juice runs down their leg?

Who wants to hold hands with a man who won't let go?

Who wants me to describe my genitals in great detail? You can compare my observations and thoughts to a photograph.

Who wants to provide the missing piece? Write an offer that will become part of the game.

Who wants to smoke banana peels?

Who wants to learn true wisdom from the ankles up?

Who wants to learn how to separate truth from humbug?

Who wants an unfortunate Easter egg hunt?

Who wants to be a peroxide blonde?

Who wants to hear the last word of Moby Dick, which explains not only the book itself, but what it means to be an American?

Who wants to have their heart stopped?

Who wants the passion of the Christ?

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